<3

2011-04-16T16:46:00.002+08:00

Anw I'll probably leave this place. Ive long moved to elsewhere to forget all the bad memories, hurt and pain. Apologise to my friends that linked this site, I didnt have the courage to come back then. If ure interested, I may show you my other world.

Im glad Im strong and happy again :)

2009-12-09T23:30:00.000+08:00

BREAKOUT is back again!
Its korean B-boy. thumbs-upppp!
I missed their performance earlier this year and im not going to miss it next year.
12-14 Mar 2010

http://www.sistic.com.sg/portal/dt?dt.isPortletRequest=true&dt.action=process&dt.provider=PortletWindowProcessChannel&dt.windowProvider.targetPortletChannel=JSPTabContainer/sEventsCalendar/Event&dt.containerName=JSPTabContainer/sEventsCalendar&dt.windowProvider.currentChannelMode=VIEW&dt.window.portletAction=RENDER&contentCode=breakout0310

2009-12-05T12:41:00.002+08:00

i've been a porcupine lately.. pricking those around me.
im sorry friends, cousin and bf.
i've been stepping on ppl's toes with my cranky mood. somehow im easily irritated and thus im harsh on my words. im not unappreciative, i still love all of you!
im gg to be busy and really tired out next 2 weeks. i forsee its gg to be bad as well :( i hope you all will be understanding if its ever my bad. just feed me ice when you see me, i need chilling. You know i need all your support and i will still be your forever sunshine.
Nz, I havent been your red apple but a poison apple. Im sorry, i love you!

Ps. Jo shares everything with me, even her disease. Lol!

2009-11-30T00:31:00.006+08:00

Perhaps im not as strong as i thought i'll be.

i feel lost. Just like how you lose direction in a maze.
really.

"There are basically two reasons why people are drawn together. If I can be so bold as to greatly oversimplify, it’s either because of want or it’s because of need. In my opinion, relationships based on want are the happiest and most satisfying. Those that are based on need tend to be more emotionally volatile and a lot less gratifying. In short, love is healthiest and at its very best when it is framed around two people who want to be together."

2009-11-21T11:32:00.001+08:00

" If you really want to do something, you will find a Way.
If you don't, you will find an Excuse. "

2009-11-18T00:24:00.002+08:00

I haven't felt loner than this moment.

Have i really changed?

I didnt know it hurts this much.
Forget me being hurt but seeing you hurt, hurts me much much more.
Its like stabbing my own heart.

2009-11-04T23:28:00.011+08:00

I had the bestEST weekend.

With the two clowns around, Jo and sister zhang, my nights will not go in peace. It spell craziness. For a record, we didnt sleep till the sun rise. Caught the earliest bus at 6am to Macs. Then we started tearing the monopoly tickets to piece our game. GUESS WHAT. We got an instant win Starcruise for 3rd and 4th person and also plus plus of other stuff (but thats not important). Imagine the elated-ness and surprise in the unearthly hour. Then Jo swear to eat Macs more frequent to get the mega cash. lol.

I shan't post any pictures of the night for reasons you should know.

Celebrated Yeeling's birthday at Sgn Gardens. It was supposed to be at Chomp2 but god-knows-why it's super crowded and also kinda flooded (btw it was raining Mega cats and dogs). As such, we decided to dine at Thai Express instead. Someone said this right, "Why of all places do we go to the Thai Express here." I couldn't think more, just wanted to seek refuge in the shelter coz i was really wet and COLD.

And we were darn smart to eat Frolick.

Met Avon later to go home :) ive got presents!!

♥ ♥ ♥ Max already. haha.

We went to Little India for breaky. I didnt realise that we walked into a Vegetarian Restaurant, thus i created an embarrassment for myself.

Me: "Do you have something that is Chicken or Mutton with Curry?"

Her: "We have the Mak Chicken, its very nice."

Me: "No. i want chicken or mutton." ( i was quite confused alr..)

Her: "We are Vegetarian."

♥ ♥ ♥

At night, we udder-ed with Jo and zzl. SanMaoWang, Earl Grey and Orange Choc Bitters. Oooommm combination. Then my chou shi started leaking out after that dose of alcohol.
JO bought me a bag with nautical prints coz she knew that i like them! It is this kind of little things that made my day, these kind of little surprises.

My loots (Although i always think it is damn gay to do this, i couldn't help it):

You're the best present i ever have, thank you.

***

This is the highlight: i feel like i have completed another milestone in my life.

I P-A-S-S-E-D! :D

Words cannot describe the intoxicating ecstatic-ness that engulfed me. I am revived!

Everything summed up all too sufficient to make me feel like its my Birthday. Too many good things are happening, im very grateful for that.

2009-10-29T02:15:00.007+08:00

WOOHOO!! My truckloads of joy.

I decided to equip myself with a One Star. Isn't it ridiculous to go through kayaking expeditions without a proper certification? Yeaaa.. now im able to kayak legally. There's an upcoming expediation, still contemplating whether to join anot. My instinct says yes :D

2009-10-23T23:08:00.000+08:00

Its more than half-way through alr. You are counting down, so am i over here. 8 more days!!

***

Currently, Im preoccupied with a new tutee and the mom wants me to have intensive lessons with her. Exams are next week and she is expecting me to go over almost everyday @_@

Im not complaining because it is an easy task. The best thing about it is, she is MY NEIGHBOUR. i mean she lives just opp. my block. HURRAY:)

Recently, i have been meeting Jo and sister zhang quite abit. LOL. Never got tired of them. Its always can-you-stop-making-me-laugh-my-abs-hurt kind of thang. My 2 best htht companion.
Quick recap: Wed, Sat, Sun, Wed, this Sat and Sun (STAYOVER! AGAIN.)
Jo is like becoming my bf alr. I call/text/chat/msg her almost every other day. Not on purpose but it just so happen that stuff that are happening are interconnected. So we gotta communicate :D

I have been busy focusing on driving too. I've heard that sch dont usually give you the same instructor but for my case, i seemed to get the same instructor(3/4 times). HMM, should be lucky ba. I encourage those that are intending to drive to opt for sch! They are really systematic and guide you through the diff. segments, pin-pointing my mistakes on the spot. I didnt regret switching and hopefully get a wheeee at the end of the lessons. Today i told him the no. of points i got. This is the reply i got, "Wah. Power." Lol. i dont know whether to laugh or cry.

Tmr is the long-awaited kayaking! Hope i can reignite the feeling for it from few years back. Kinda excited :DD Then str after will be htht at Ade's. Cant wait.

Anw, wanted to update more on gatherings but kinda lazy now. Maybe i will summarise with photos another day. And ive owned a new play thang! So exciting!!

Oct is a month of little surprises and breakthroughssssss...
Although I am pretty happy and satisfied right now, i still wish you would be around to share my happiness, my little joy in life. Ive got so much to tell you but you are so far away. I wish i can hear more of your voice, when was the last time you called me?

2009-10-21T15:45:00.007+08:00

today, i had a wakeup call that hit me hard.

Just because i dont know what i want, i dont know what to expect.
Just because i have mild temper doesnt mean i agree to that.
Just because i did not blow my top doesnt mean it is ok to TRAMPLE on me.
Bloody drivers, fking go back to sch and learn your basics. stop playing with life.

The same goes to everything else. i will get what i deserve and will not tolerate any such nonsense. i am not going to lose myself for anyone and do any injustice to myself. Loving myself more is the way to become happier. It is one's responsibility for your own happiness so if you allow certain things to happen, you can blame no one but yourself. i have learnt too many stories to prove that sometimes trust can be unreliable. Trust can be misled and its a very scary thing.

maybe ive been way too nice. ive been giving too many chances and get back in return things that upset me even more. Now, i will only be nice to those that deserve it because people dont appreciate and they bite an inch off you. This is reality. Humans are practical and that really frightens me. They use TOOLS to achieve what they want. Ultimately, people are still selfish.
But im glad ive found a handful that really cares for me deep down more than anything else. More than those people that i expect to give but didnt give. i know who has always been there and will always be my safety net because i know they will ting me till the end with no obligations. They are the ones i can go on phone for hours, see each other every other day and talk about everything under the sun without feeling sian.

NZ is going outfield again while zzl is having 5days of MC despite the already very slack schedule. the world is unfair.

ok off to meet the girls and sister zhang. LOL.

2009-10-15T12:42:00.002+08:00

Check this out!

gg to have fun with Jo and zzl later! ~

Old songs make me nostalgic. They bring back alot of memories, sad and happy ones.

2009-10-15T00:13:00.006+08:00

Little cosy gatherings last week..

Dinner with MeiYun :P

Talk random session.

After tuition, rushed down to somerset only to realise they were lunching at Wisma. Great workout. To realise further, most of them will only be coming 2hrs later.. Then i come to realise even after we've part for afew months, they are still the same. The same old KK with his antics, the same shiyuan criticising the guys (haha).

Then met Avon a short while to pass him the phone :D And he sent me to York Hotel for Martin's 21st birthday.

TalkCorkCorner with a small fraction of Thallo. Gossips! I know who is the gossip King now. We were chatting while yf was working. He was making calls to his clients. Hard life. I always gained new insights from them. eg. some interesting stuff about investment :)

Tuition. Kaching. Work. Kaching.

2009-10-09T23:59:00.006+08:00

Note to self:

1. Fame

2. (500) days of summer

3. sister's keeper

***

Before you leave, we've gotta have a hot date first :) And truely its a hot one. Scorched and perspired but nevertheless alot of fun! Its the company that matters :D

We saw badly abused animals. The rabbits are in such bad condition that they look diseased. The farmers are not doing their job.

Prawning is proven to be thrilling and exciting although the process involves waiting and more waiting for the bait to fall into the trap. The moment when you tug the rod and you feel something heavy, thats the victory (3.
That Uncle was quite nice to teach us how to prawn and tips to get catch. I didnt even know how to put the bait initially. This game is a test of patience, how good you are at shou zhu dai tu.
Those uncles there are really serious fishermen. I didnt know there was a catch but this uncle saw straight away and told me to pull the rod. haha. Each time i got a catch, i will struggle to grab the prawn (being disgusted by it).

Then made lots of fumble:

1. my rod hit the other people beside me

2. my dangling prawn was shoved into others' faces

3. when i pulled too hard, the prawn went flying in the air and landed near the dustbin behind us. yucks, i know.

4. i got the hook stuck onto the ceiling while flicking the fishing line. haha trying to act pro but have to trouble the Uncle to remove for me..

5. Whenever the prawn jumps, i'll jump with it. lol, this is just natural reaction. Then Avon has to help me remove the hook.

6. We lost the basket of prawns in the water but luckily they were stupid enough to stay inside

I made Avon step on my rod while i take pictures. Lazy ppl will just do that instead of holding the rod for hrs but guess what, i tried my luck by pulling the rod later and indeed the prawn was there :) I decided to just grill one prawn and bring back the rest as pets as he didnt want to eat them. He is hygiene conscious while my stomach is a rubbish bin. Most unfortunately, i didnt get to keep the prawns alive in the end. Didnt have the oxygenated water to keep them alive :( Out of all the 10 prawns, i picked the biggest one to revenge for Avon. It pricked his finger! And we mutilated it by plucking out all its legs ALIVE and grilled it ALIVE. i guess i have to go vegetarian for 2days.

What's a Jap restaurant without sashimi and sushi? Cannot be tolerated! hahaha.

Shall we try to fish fish next time?

2009-10-05T00:22:00.002+08:00

They were all slapped in my face. A wakeup call.
i know them but i cant accept them. i didnt want to believe thats why im in denial.

slippers had no groove and i slipped and scrapped my knees. But nothing can be compared to how painful it feels here.

2009-10-01T21:56:00.005+08:00

Today's a happy day :)
someone told me this: you've got the spirit, im sure you can do it.

I went to Siglap South cc in the evening and i finally talked to the guy. Only Jo knows how terrible it is to get to him. He made me travelled there TWICE on wasted trips and it is not exactly a very accessible place.

Fortunately, he is inspiring so i decided to forgive him.

After i left the office for the toilet and stroll around the cc, i was surprised that he was waiting for me at the porch just to pass me some reference information of the course details. so nice :)

I saw a vision.

Many thoughts ran through my head on the journey back home. There was a plan that i want to get involved in and become active again (i mean participation). I figured that i have been too passive and i should get my energy running. Perhaps i should join their sports club and youth comm to organise some events. i love event organising and its also my forte i guess. Thus i dont mind initiating gatherings but this is not supposed to be taken for granted esp. sometimes ppl that don't cooperate really piss me off.

I did a good deed to save this guy from distress at work. He was complaining about little pay so i decided to recommend pa. We need more resources! He appeared quite satisfied coz he feedback that he clinched an interview with Fash. As such, I've successful set up my own "recruit express".

Tmr's Avon prize presentation. I shall go and see for myself what a big deal that is. Maybe i will get even more motivation to work towards that :)
urban operations training stole our 4days worth of conversation.

PS: i miss Crescent and Delta. When are we having a part outing again? hahaha it sound inappropriate to use this term at my age

2009-09-27T21:47:00.011+08:00

trust is not being afraid even when you are vulnerable.
how true is this? very true.
how many people can you trust in your life? and how many people are u capable of gaining their trust?which is more important? being trusted or trusting people? love actually makes me becomes vulnerable, because i get too dependent on him
i get easily irritated when im supposed to see him, but in the end din
i expect him to be there when i need him, but he cant be there everytime.
and i get very upset if he cant be there.
i cant stand myself when i lose my temper so easily at him just because i expect so much more from him
i cant forgive myself for keep forgetting tt he is a human as well- he gets tired, and need a breathing space.i know he's trying his best so i shld give him a break
i dont like the way my feelings get so much controlled by him,because all these make me vulnerable- a state where i keep worrying if i would get overboard at times, let my emotions take over me, and drive him away. A state where i duno how much to give and take.

Thanks xt.
This is really how i feel too and we share the similar sentiments. i didnt really get to read her blog for months because i realised i need to sign in to read those locked entries.
i have my reason for the rollercoaster and that is not something i can help, else surpressing all these will gain me nei shang.
And i really appreciate Best Friend for everything. you should know what im saying :)

***
Time moves on even when you don't. Very soon Azim will be leaving.. a really responsible and nice colleague left VMware.

JX's bday celebration brought us together again after all the hectic lifestyle from hall and the stressload from Uni.

JX was pretending to be sad because her cake was not in the proper form. Huiling kept insisting that i was the one who dropped the strawberry. So much for being who you are to me huh. HAHAHA.
This was how our Mid Autumn Festival celebration ended up, bunking in and disturbing the two fellow 38s. and hey, it was supposed to be a celebration for the Festival and it ended up only me and cy eating the mooncake. And Pok insisted that i bring the remaining home resulting them STILL lying around my table.
Crapped and went for a walk around the other halls. But we still managed to sleep at 4am except for the hyperactive Pok owling through the night.
Oh-so-sweet Eugene then came over but i gotta rushed to tuition. Madness.

i want to share these beautiful places that caught my eye. i am surprised myself that these fine things actually existed.

This setting totally made me feel like im in London.

Isn't the sky captivating? Lovely sight to compensate my sucky dinner which i really refused to swallow after a long chew.

2009-09-25T01:07:00.003+08:00

It makes me kinda excited that i have something to look forward to.
I have a new found toy!
Something that i really wanted for myself.
Ive found back the certain feeling that was somehow lost along these years. Its the motivation and taking great pride in the achievement you've fought for. However, it is coupled by an ominous sense of unspoken stress. But at least ive got the vision and determination. Although there is some waste, i will not allow that to dampen my spirit.

Let this be a test- the first challenge i post to myself.

Im really trying very hard, my very best but does anyone know that?
Now tell me what the hell is going on again.

im gg to escape to Pulau NTU. i wont be back soon.

2009-09-16T00:41:00.004+08:00

ok i realised i shld snap out of all these.

JUMP on Saturday was a-w-e-s-o-m-e!

Their stunts and skills are really captivating. All eyes locked on them, the audience couldn't take their gaze off them, including me.

Entertaining with light humour in between. I was awed by everything. They literally jumped and flipped their bodies 180 degrees in the air, not once but consequtively. Like a moving ferris wheel. They can also bounce off the walls perfectly. Like those ppl in Kungfu shows.

(Note: stick stuck in the butt cheeks)

Yeaaa. Left the place wanting more. I'd like to enjoy more of such given the chance :)

***

One day in the car..

(Smth before made me ask this qn)

Me: You're still in NS?!
Avon's bro: Yeaaa
Me: How come? But you seemed so free.
Avon's bro: How do you know im so free?
Me: Cause you're always at home?
Avon's bro: How do you know im always at home?
Me: ....

yes, he just made me sound like some stalker.
And the evil bf was not helping. He was laughing hysterically in the background.

2009-09-14T22:24:00.003+08:00

And yet again. again.

There's so many things in life that is not within our control. And its just a fine line between respect and knowing what you want.

I really feel so sad for Joy. Why did that happen? Although i can understand why she did it, i still feel unjustified for her. This is one of those helplessness that cant be explained. I really dont want my friends to end up like that but its about respecting decisions. Its like you took the immense courage to let everything go, thinking its for your own good but it turned out hurting even further. All because you still love. Whats the point? Why are you making life miserable for yourself? Damn it.

I dislike goodbyes. Especially long ones, not days, not months but years.
Cheer up, Y! I dont want my friends to be sad :(

Emotional rollarcoaster sucks.

2009-09-13T01:49:00.002+08:00

If money is so invincible, i want to buy your time.
Buy many, many to stock up in my safe deposit box so that when i need it, i can have it.
So that i will no longer be sad.

i know life has many sacrifices, this is just one of them.

***

Why are we all working so hard for the sake of working?
To pursue what we thought is satisfaction and fulfillment.

2009-09-09T23:22:00.002+08:00

Suddenly, this drama became meaningful knowing that its happening real life.
That was when it was still TCS and not Mediacorp.
im just like many curious viewers, wanting to know their lifestory, tho not a fan.
i love old shows. They are more genuine as compared to how much marketing is involved in the industry nowadays. Or maybe its just how time tricks the perception. Compare how the media has been growing since ten years ago. Generation gap.

And i hope it rains, you're the perfect lullaby.

2009-09-06T22:45:00.001+08:00

Lifts are creepy. i rather take stairs.

i wanna watch!

2009-09-05T23:17:00.003+08:00

The point is, just seek it.

I have been travelling around Sg quite a bit, realising there's many many nice places ive yet been to and also some nostalgic places that draw beautiful memories. Its like walking down the memory lane alone, time has changed so many things. There are ppl that ive once been close to and now we are barely strangers.

This quiet lane made these bridal shops stand out. The historical infrastructure has an amazing combination with the glamourous gowns. Looking at them, made happiness possible.

Deserted lane at Craig Road.

Do you believe this rundown place is a community centre? It was situated behind the Getai and for a moment i thought it was closed.

This is nearby my ex neighbourhood. It used to be a pSch and now an Int Sch. Brings back childhood memories.

This place is captivating. i can sit there and just stare at the place one lazy afternoon.

Another day at TohYi, i passed by Toh Tuck Av. i still rmb vividly how often we went over to ZhiHui's to rehearse for our puppet show and also munch on her maid's spagetti. There was Evon, Angelina and YunJia too, i think. Then now i dont even know where Angelina is after she went overseas. How sad.

***
ok, happy stuff:

More k box pls..

The mystery girl.

After all these, i havent say to you, "Welcome back!"

i saw an old couple. The wife was really weak and her hunched back has not allowed her any strength to lift her head. She took small, slow steps but she was fortunate. Her husband held her hand tightly and guide her although they were both wrinkled up. i saw the faith and love they shared. This is one of the beautiful things in life :)

2009-08-29T00:13:00.002+08:00

man are complicating creatures.

im sick of those mind games and manipulation.

some ppl are just taking things for granted and there is a limit to that. too much is too much.

wtf man, its getting on my nerves and im starting to get irritated. u better know what u are doing else i will give u a piece of my mind. what goes around, comes around.

i want my retreat soon!

2009-08-25T22:36:00.007+08:00

so where do i start from. how bad can a day get to be as fucked up as mine.
i didnt get to choose, it began right from the moment i woke up.

one.
Mommy woke me up and smth bad happened to her. im the last to know and still in the state of shock. She didnt wanna wake me up earlier and told me that i wldnt be of much help even if i did. Do you know how guilty i felt, not that i wldnt be of much help but i know she wanted me to sleep more. For that, i was not given any chance to help in any way and it hurts.

two.
Immediately after the morning commotion which i have missed most of it, i realised i've lost smth important. To make it worse, i have no idea when and where ive lost it. i rummaged everywhere but to no avail. ive sms-ed ppl to help me keep a lookout but i doubt i can recover it. This has been my worry but i never expect it to happen.

three.
Ive already told Mom its a bad omen and it came true. Of all things that i didnt want to happen it did. Ive screwed up smth i must not screw up. Its not just screwed up, its SCREWED INSIDE OUT. Its TWO pages long. I must have made a name for myself in the office for breaking the guiness record. When i went to the counter, the guy told me he has been waiting for me. I looked at him and had this urge to dig out his balls, eyeballs. I never felt so mocked at before.
Seriously, im a champion at digging my own grave.
In the midst of all these rush of emotions, Jo msged. Somehow im always found by her whenever i needed it. Always. Then i saw the msges sent by colleagues and ah pia. Again, it came up. I hate this feeling, if you know what i mean.
As if things are not bad enough, after talking to Jo i got to immediately read up the stack of stuff to do my rush hour later. Ive got to snapped out of this sucky mood and get back on track to fulfill my responsibilities just like the snap of fingers. Seriously, this is abit too much for me to take and i broke down while reading them. Even at this point, im multi-tasking. I dont know why i felt so sad, maybe i expected much more of myself. Disappointed, that goes without saying. Mom called, i didnt know what to say and hung up shortly.

four.
im just not myself today. i almost walked into the gents, thinking that the Indian guy that came out was a female. i didnt realise until he told me. How embarrassing.

five.
ive been busy and starving the whole day and i finally got my proper meal at 6pm but i barely had appetite. Talked to JoPoon and Honey and i relieved some by complaining to them. pia msged and i didnt know how to explain but i did a fair share of ranting. The briefing lasted abt two hrs, eating into my precious time. Time is money and what ive planned for the night was screwed as well. What i needed to complete is being pushed back to another day. Great.

six.
i thought the day has ended but it didnt. i boarded the bus but alighted at the wrong stop. i would have been home by 930pm but ive got to wait for another 20 min or so for another one. i really felt like cursing and swearing and screaming my lungs out at that point of time. i suddenly felt so alone in the night. i wanted your comfort but you are not around. i wanted to call/msg but i know i cant reach you. What can i do? Emo?

One by one all these stupid shit is wearing me out. i barely smiled today.

2009-08-16T21:25:00.003+08:00

i boarded 51 again.
i never learn.

it was no doubt crammed like mad. This time round a big lady slowly made her way beside the empty seat next to me. I was like, '' noooo.." inside me as the other guy that was beside the seat has already occupied a fairly large amt of space. Expectedly, i was squashed to one side. Still, i wasnt really disturbed at this point but gradually she leaned and pressed her warm thighs beside mine. Gosh, its sweating. HELP ME PLS. i was really, REALLY DISGUSTED.
i endured even till the point when the seat beside her was already empty. i was hoping she will make a shift but apparently she was sound asleep. Damn uncomfortable. i tried to make OBVIOUS adjustment to get her to move away from my thighs and i bet i even let out the look of disgust and extreme irritation as the guy opposite kept staring at me.

And btw the journey was ONE HOUR long. imagine.

2 more weeks!

2009-08-13T22:42:00.005+08:00

Did abit of swimming with ys at night. IT WAS REALLY COLD.
Then came an idea and we decided to do this..

haha.
Bakuteh for dinner. It was good :D
Then we chatted for quite a bit at the riverside till late. i love the peaceful and quiet night by the waters.

***

We went for an adventure once again. Never got tired of them :)
We managed to find Mustafa with my that bit of memory since sch days..
He was pretty much amused/ amazed by the exotic-ness. lol.
im still contemplating whether i should get itouch from there which is abt 340+ which is of course cheaper than retail price. But does anyone know if there's any place that sells any further cheaper ones?
He surprised me when he said he wanted to make a pencil case for me.
haha, very very unique. The source is from the sterilised bag that holds the bandage in army.

Guess which one is done by me/him?

***

What more can i say?
From the look of the photos, its fun and more fun. Although we spend most of the time playing Polar Bear, it was damn funny listening to how they persuade/ desuade and accuse one another to win the game. Threw in lots of logical reasoning and also rubbish ones. Note: YF goes yak yak yak, NON-STOP!

There's this pt of time when im supposed to be the Hunter and Narrator asked the polar bears to look up. For some reason, i did the same and when i saw the polar bears my heart SANK. HAHA! cause i know they are gg to kill me next. When Jiahao announced me dead, instantly the polar bears and the rest exploded into laugher esp. WenJin who kept vibrating. LOL.

There's also a time whereby Zur, me and Jo(in sync) pointed at Robert and insisted he is the polar bear. hahahaha. He turned out to be the Hunter. LOL, shall save the explaination.

Then went dinner at Blk something(85?). Cant remember the number. The porridge is really FAB. Serious, no kid. i wanna go there again, yes Jo?

Fly, flew, flown. Not for long!

2009-08-03T01:08:00.001+08:00

We do lots of things when we're bored in office. Even under the scrutiny eyes of Honey..

PoonMeiYun was really nice to buy some goodies from choc factory to bid farewell for the interns. That girl can really feed ppl. If you are her bf, you'll prolly grow twice in size, beefy meaty.
One day she told us this, "I'll open a pastry shop one day." - All eyes stared at her because she will go bankrupt at the rate of her showering her love by giving me surprise breakfasts during mornings. This is really one rare generous person that i hardly see around, but i pity her pocket.

The long awaited nightout with 38s. All turned up except YL and JX. Then i realised the irony. It was set at Timbre for a reason but JX didnt turn up when she bugged to go to Timbre. For some reason, it felt like a farewell before they go back to sch, i dont know why. Oh and Im the last to find out that HL and CY are going to be roomies. TSKKKKK. So much for being your bf huh. HURHUR.
I officially declare i love soft Rock. lovelovelove The Fray.

This is going to be history. HL made me do the wu lian pai. ughs.

3D effect.

Lots of retail therapy this week. YUMS.

yea, i just realised all i need is my daily doses :)

2009-08-01T19:06:00.006+08:00

this really sucks like shit.
bad mood.
why is it me? must it be me?
i feel like im the only one being left behind...
down down down.
no more sunshine.
is it that as u age, u emo more. why is the biological clock like that.

decisions.
how do u let go of your insecurities to try for new opportunities without knowing what lies ahead. there is no control, too much uncertainties. i hate this.

some ppl prefer short term enjoyment for a refuge but i prefer long term ones. You may forget your worries temporary but everything will just come back when ur sober. that hit you back to reality and its more painful i think.

my solution for the time being: blast some Fray songs to drown my blues, they're good remedy to indulge in.

2009-07-26T21:35:00.006+08:00

A damn cool wedding dance. Will asians have the courage and be open minded to do this? i doubt so. Turn a solemn event into a most memorable performance. Club as you pave ur way down the wedding floors.

Anw last week is a damn sinful week. I painfully recall the number of cakes swallowed.
eg. Piano's ice-cream cake, Merry's blueberry cake, the 8kg mass birthday cake, Jo Poon's breakfast cheesecake, Merry's another chocolate cake, Jo's birhday cake.
(But all these are for happy events, so im not complaining here!)

Haha that spells trouble thus the reason for swimming today.
Its kinda a happy day as driving was quite smooth-going. Yes, i gave my instructor some exciting experience last weeks which i shall not speak about it. To think that the test day is nearing :S

i was skeptical about this chain-sms prank which was not new to many and decided to do some research rather than stupidly believe the sms:
M1, Singtel and Starhub marked 60 billion sms celebration - $49 free mobile billing

"If you received this sms from your friends, be cautious!

I do not know whether if the source if true or not.

DO NOT FORWARD OR we might face major crisis from SMS infrastructure crash if it overload. A few year ago, one mobile operator in US, reported to have their sms infrastructure overload by million sms which caused DDOS.

Be careful, they are each other competitors', they won't celebrate together, in my opinion as a businessman, so do you.

Someone worked in one of these operators, please verify and investigate the origin source.

I disclaimed any responsibility from any sms prank or this thread. "

Say hello to the cute ppl from Thallo!!

2009-07-25T23:02:00.007+08:00

HOT STUFF. a whole new experience.
breakfast became lunch.
good times always pass too quickly. How i wish time stood still, when you look into my eyes.
many many love :DD
i think ive found my paradise.

2009-07-25T00:12:00.002+08:00

why make your life so miserable by fighting an emotional war with/by yourself?
why wouldn't you accept my offer to help?
why are you so stubborn and you make me worry?

i only want you to be happy, we are always here anytime.
Happy Birthday.

2009-07-23T01:46:00.002+08:00

Im dying. The coughing wouldn't stop. Im coughing so hard that it feels like i can spill out the contents from my lungs. Medicine wouldn't work. Its almost a week.

Office is getting more heart-warming. Celebrations become a regular event :)
A house party for Merry, Bony, Peiwen and Janice today. Imagine, eating 8kg worth of cake. Calories! And not forgetting the usual cam-whoring. Tons of them with the crazy bunch. All this fun is due to my kid who came down with a fever and was under quarantine. So i prolly have to disappear from there for quite a while.
Photos will be up soon, when they are being uploaded.

Tmr will be an impromtu Steamboat at yf's house! yay to the 'oh we feel so high' ppl! Just that i will have to travel all the way nearby nyjc again, dread the distance.. but im sure i'll be a blast as usual :D

Pls pray for my speedy recovery. Pls, pls, pls.

2009-07-17T22:07:00.002+08:00

just as i thought ive forgotten how's it to be sick, flu bug caught up.

really sucks man. my throat is swollen and i feel fluctuating temperature, goosebumps all over. the slightest wind makes me cringe.

its the weekends, i cant really enjoy. esp. tmr's project CAN :(

maybe i shall take chance to bond with my room which apparently has been abandoned by me for a long time. But i want to go shopping, ive controlled the urge enough.

sometimes i enjoy non-chio days too however i always have someone caring for my image, so i got to take care of myself well too..

2009-07-12T14:44:00.007+08:00

RAHAHAHA. i can upload now.

it was a fantabulous day, you've got to admit my planning worked. i didnt lead you to Holland lo.
currently experiencing some darker shades on my face. hopefully no burns. my face has been cui since last week's orientation :(
swam and had some sun, i admit im turning into a lazy bum thus i must swim more!

Where have my swimming buddies gone to?
Sushi retreat! just to satisfy some of my salmon sashimi craving(thanks to JO).

Although we are not sure where exactly is the place, we hanthum upon seeing the bridge. On the way to the highest hill in sg. I realise its nothing but a high bridge across the road. cheat my feelings la, i was expecting a real complete Tree Top Walk like those in Aussie. But the construction was creative, so i guess credits go to the architects.

the flooring was so comfortable to walk bare footed thus Avon couldnt resist to remove his footwear.

i like this photo the most but dont know why tho. Maybe its the annoyed face. haha!

i want to cheegot, cheegot again!!

Followed him to celebrate Uncle Koh's belated father's day. that place is cool can, good choice. i think its a good place to reflect and if you need a quiet time :D

2009-07-12T11:47:00.008+08:00

CSC orientation:

Freshies!

Day one

Day two

Sentosa race!

Before and after talent time

sleepyheads! we really ko-ed after lack of sleep for days.

2009-07-09T21:48:00.004+08:00

im long done with the camp last week. It was a blast and now im recharged, after afew days. The camp makes me feel really like part of NUS. Im even going back to organise their CSC sports day thats happening next wed. i hope many Thallos will come down so that we can reunite again :D They're a bunch of happy ppl.

Crap, im starting to peel. The skin around my neck is turning GREY, like rotting. My scalp is coming off as well and my colleague just mentioned to me, 'You look like you've got dandruff.' - how embarrassing, she has to comb my hair for me.

Am i just suay or what. i keep having this feeling that my boss is watching me very closely this week. She kept coming out of the office to stroll around my area. Thats also coz i broke afew rules this week.

i want to have a getaway with my love, somewhere i dont have to fret and be troubled by life.

2009-06-30T14:05:00.006+08:00

Life's a beach!

Social night <33

Science Bash, science crash.

Farewell for Claudia!

2009-06-30T00:00:00.002+08:00

hello world, im going for a camp tmr! Its been yrs since the last one and i miss them.
Lots of events have been happening, shall update them once im back and free!

time to bask in the sun and run on the fields, cheering our lungs sore.

Will miss everyone and farewell! LOL im just high :)

2009-06-23T20:31:00.002+08:00

i think im losing my appetite again. im still not eating tho im home early.
And im really tired, even using com now makes me wanna doze off.
BUT i have to work from home, im not done with cleaning my excel sheet which kinda sucks.
The NUS orientation clashes with work! There's a new project coming up and im the only resource but i will be away for orientation leaving my colleagues withering. Ive got to think of a solution but what? Bony is holding my leave on hostage :(

Im relieved that i didnt go to ButterFac the other night which i almost wanted to if not for something on. At the same time im thankful that the other guys who went were alright. i hope nothing happens to them.

Twice at the same time today. i get it. This is life. This never happen in the past maybe its due to what i strongly believe and has confident in THEN. Gotta get back my grip on the leash.

2009-06-18T01:36:00.002+08:00

the kind of expression that shows no answer but you know things are not what they seemed to be.
the kind of attitude that shows an almost stranger side.
the choice of words that burn.

but the faith keeps it going, holding.

Ghosts of GFs' past, go catch it!

2009-06-16T00:18:00.005+08:00

Jocelyn's birthday :D

Lau pa sat!

SAMBA MASALA!!

2009-06-09T20:07:00.003+08:00

Seriously, he ought to be castrated inch by inch and slowly let blood drip to his death than to go around fking girls turning them into his prey.

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS. the thought just made me want to slice him into pieces. damn it.

2009-06-06T22:21:00.010+08:00

Steamboat at Yanyi's. It felt so reunion dinner-ish for cny. Cosy.

We had a challenging task to finish up all the food to the extent that we all started to stare into spaces and not uttering a single word. My kinda behaviour when my stomach is exploding. Then the funny couple decided to challenge each other to finish the chicken galore. They tried to cheat by shoving more chicken to the other using tactics eg. distraction. haha:

we feast till 11 plus PM. Then we collapsed all over the living room like dead corpses.

The NS shorts was the very much commented. yada yada.

MJ throughout. Shiok. After that we KO-ed, even the owl who's hyper at night.

haha. super classic.

Went to SPCA with Jo after that to scare the animals. We almost melted in the sun, spare me pls.
While i was watching my drama at home, ko-ed consequtively till i gave up watching.

i may have to re-visit the sun again tmr, can i not?

2009-06-04T22:34:00.001+08:00

I hope this sunshine will drive away your blues. Hang in there, you are not alone! ♥

im going to be a teacher soon! so excited. HEE.

2009-06-04T21:09:00.011+08:00

Phew. Appeals done. Finally i can catch my breath, big big gulps. But its not for long before i have to fret again :(
This is the penalty of living in an elitist country and just too bad that you don't do well enough to reach their expectations.

30th
Just as I was out-of-sorts at home, Fau texted and we agreed on an impromtu chitchat :D

everytime is a good time.

Pok turned 19 and we celebrated on saturday. Although she looked cui(haha), we had a great night.

See the artificial candle? Damn cute la. When she blew, yeeling wriggled her finger to show the fire extinguishing.haha.

birthday girl!

yes, i havent said enough. CHECK JX OUT! she got a missing front tooth. LOL

this photo is nostalgic. it reminds me of those movies where random people meet coincidentally in the park and became soulmates.

31st

Playing touch again was really satisfying. It has been months, almost to a year. These two are some of the many that I haven't met up for sucha long time! We played Vball with this group of NUS ppl too and still enjoy Vball as much. We met friendly players and its sucha fun. Joke of the day: You Dong was meant to cover up the gaps. dong=hole. Little did we know tt this guy's name is you dong. totally LOL. crazy.
My face was scorched, whats new.

2009-05-30T01:12:00.002+08:00

i know this is how things are. circumstances dont permit. but then again opportunities can be created.
sometimes i dont notice that im being quiet coz in fact im actively thinking of stuff. Many, many things are occupying my mind, just like a malignant cell that hasnt been removed completely. Thats why i was kinda surprised when they commented. Maybe its just the start/end of the day that is making me wanting to be more peaceful thus sometimes i choose to just listen and not actively involve in any discussion. However largely, it still boils down to my mood. im sorry that im kinda moody and soul-less but i rly did have fun searching for which xiang. thats the da xiang. haha. i bet Han Yanyi had lots of my stupid photos on hostage, pls yanyi i love you. hahaha!

There're lots of errands i have to do, things that i've got to go tidy up but im procrastinating. i want a change of environment but then again its easier said that done. Not that im not happy how it is now but i believe there are other opportunities for me to experience different aspects in life. ive got to find time to really settle down to draw out a schedule and make sure im discipline to stick with it.

im kinda sick of the fact that it seemingly show that no real effort is involved to keep up and maintain the friendship. It almost felt like its half-hearted and a routine thing. i dont know why but maybe its just how our personality are, more passive than active that it can be emotionally tiring? or pls enlighten me?

ok, time to keep my vibrant vibe up!

2009-05-27T00:47:00.000+08:00

Business continuity. Disaster recovery.

2009-05-24T02:05:00.003+08:00

im soldering the pieces together. Its time i slap myself to give myself a wake up call.
thanks to all these shit. i feel nothing now.
time to get back on my feet and regain my battle form.

pardon me, but seriously FUCK.

2009-05-23T11:45:00.004+08:00

lets do a summary:
- office moved to another building
- Sneak in to watch Star Trek. Uber nice movie!
- Timbre with you guys
- went for engineering talk/ MJ!
- driving
- WIIIIIIIIII
- went to SIM. ughh.
- Jologs and hanging out with colleagues

2009-05-21T19:29:00.003+08:00

i think im ok now.
i was just really lost and insecure for the past few days. i was feeling damn terrible at work yesterday but i managed to do crisis control. Its not only scaring you but its freaking me out as well. i wanna talk to you :(
Its indignant and confusion.

At least at night i had things to keep it off my mind. i love Jo and company for the fun that we shared. After the trip today, im more assured.

Please, please. i want my happy days.

2009-05-17T00:06:00.002+08:00

How i wish i didn't know it. Maybe its speculation but the time, the ppl there and all the evidence and my own analysis all came too clearly to me. Its undeniably obvious. My heart sank. i felt like im being fooled around in this stupid game. i dont doubt myself. But my positive outlook is wearing away fast and the situation isnt encouraging at all. Then again, i zoomed out to see the big picture and realised i ought to swallow my own plight. Did i see this coming? Did i bring things upon myself? Everything is slapping me back to square one.
This is reality. Things dont just change for no reason. Pity is never a weapon, strategy is.
i did have fun with you guys today, we laughed and i did enjoy. But that doesn't change the fact. im constantly reminded, every minute. Sometimes i dont even recognise myself. seriously im damn tired of all these. shagged. im really shagged.

2009-05-14T00:24:00.004+08:00

WHAT IF I DONT GET IT?
you'll never understand how haunting it is unless you are in my shoes.

i need a change, i feel suffocated at work. i dont know why. Maybe coz i havent been producing leads. But the angel on the other side is telling me to endure just a lil bit more.
Mundane-ness is killing me. One thing i cant tolerate. We are so bored that we result to poking each other randomly.
So i turned my head towards Claudia, "Yes?"
Her reply was *smiles. "im bored"
Me, "... "
The jokes in office are no longer funny. They keep repeating the same old story that has worn off the novelty and it becomes empty and meaningless. Just like them trying to pair up these 2 ppl that nothing is ever possible going to happen (One is a mum of a boy, the other an intern) and they kept using the Rihanna and Chris Brown example on them. Sometimes i just laugh along for the sake of laughing. After that i paused and thought, im not even amused yet im doing the act. Maybe thats just human. The new office is turning us into vegetables and frozen meat. The centralised air-con is freezing out hearts out.
i do agree something from Revolutionary Road: We shouldn't be contented and accept what we do not feel much for just because we are used to it and it has become a habit and routine. i hope my job in future will not end up in that way or rather i should not let it happen.
i've got to learn to be more brave to let go of my fears and doubts and do what i like without compromising my abilities coz someone told me skills can be trained(of course given the determination and discipline to). Although easier said than done, but it can be done.

Maybe this is another phase whereby im searching for a new meaning to life.

im looking forward to June! skip May pls.

2009-05-09T23:16:00.008+08:00

i found some random stuff that amuses me either when im surfing the net or walking on streets.

cool huh. we should visit your road next time!

Quek, see i didnt forget you even when im feasting on Prata. hahaha

The night is never young. i enjoy the groove and blast of music. Met some new ppl too! Liberty Queen says Hi.

lately i found a new hobby:

we all wish we were neighbours right :/

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ secret code, guess!

2009-05-06T12:25:00.002+08:00

hello, i really love how my life is right now.
i love the weekends.
i know some friends are really for keeps.
i want to receive more letters.
i still want my holiday!

Live The Life You Love, Love The Life You Live

Awareness + Desire + Belief + Action + Perseverance = Phenomenal and Seemingly Magical Outcomes in Your Life
You must be aware of what you want; nurture a burning desire to pursue it; hold the belief that you will attain it; create an action plan to achieve it; and, finally, persevere until you get it!

i will hold onto this until i get what i want.

2009-04-28T20:42:00.002+08:00

IM IN DEEP SHITZ.
OMG PLS PRAY FOR ME :(
i seriously think ive used up all my good fortune. this time, there's nothing by my side. no more. sand is escaping from my enclosed palms like how time is ticking away. maybe im just too complacent and over-confident of my chances. From three years ago ive been feeling this way and its coming back again.

and why must Swine Flu come this time. what has become of the world.

2009-04-15T21:31:00.003+08:00

It totally disgust me when someone acts like a total ignorant and snobbish spoilt brat. Ridiculous to think that the whole world owes her a living and has to compromise with her every needs when her actions scream "im your princess, bow to me."
i would very much respect an ordinary, humble person than to tolerate such frigging disrespect and rudeness. i would have rolled my eyes a million times till they fall out but of course i didnt. but i guess it will soon be over.

Anw it was disappointing today. my trust was breached. i tried calling a million times and they refused to pick it up. maybe they are just scared of me but it is still irresponsible to just disappear without giving a notice which is not what a professional company should behave. then again maybe they are a hoax because it came quite surprising and unexpected. shame on them.

2009-04-13T23:05:00.008+08:00

Good Friday was a day i wanted to do something extraordinary.
so much that i must have been crazy to drag cousin to Tampines with me. UNIQLO's advertisement is really effective huh. this is probably one of the last times i will do it. We queued to enter there, can you believe this. The queue was all the way till the fire exit staircase. I must have been insane. haha! i will not go in there a second time. And so the whole of Singapore decided to swam over there and escalators have to be stopped and crowds have to be ushered by securities.
So we escaped to Changi. Being the suaku me isnt a frequent visitor of the east so i was kinda amazed by the stuff there. It was truly a bliss to eat along Changi Beach and enjoy the night breeze. Perhaps one of the rare escapada. i cant remember what exactly conversed but time indeed passed very quickly during good times. i so felt like camping overnight there :X

And i went to paradise. ok i was exaggerating but its really pretty!

i had great time laughing at ppl with Jo but lets just keep it neat here :)

do you know how it is like to be living in your-s own world, conversing your-s language? well, i have :P

2009-04-05T17:10:00.009+08:00

im sad, im sad.
i wanted more but there isnt.

i saw the safti dining area once again.. after about 4 years! that was when we were young and ugly. haha. nothing has changed much. i wish my memory is good enough to let me replay what had happened during that time. fond memories in shuai No.1 :D

4 more days, darling!

2009-04-05T02:16:00.003+08:00

i enjoyed the company that is ever so spontaneous and ready to embark on the next fun. Keli shall receive the honour of being so 'on' to plan this impromtu gathering which was somehow a success. Chilled at Timbre with the fellow ai zai-s and some other 0609. They made me laugh at just how silly we can be. Such an abundle of joy:D i realised i love having late-nights. its only the transport problem thats all, i need a chauffeur! Lets just go crazy and let loose for some more time ;D

this is damn disgusting. my face is turning into a hamburger recently. someone pls save me.
that tub of B & J, those Magnum and Ferrero are really a sin.

nobody said it was ever easy.
nothing is fixed forever. either embrace change or let it be ur fit, you choose.
you've got to be brave to tide through these. you can do it!

2009-03-28T20:21:00.003+08:00

joke. my embarrassing moment.
Story is: i was trying to tease Jaz about her winning Shi san yao but in the end..

*huey ² says:
LOL. zai
J - i did not die from the excitement. LOLS says:
HAHAHA
like seriously right!!
*huey ² says:
haha DUH. who in their life will get it is like better than 4D
u can ply mj everyday. ur income
J - i did not die from the excitement. LOLS says:
HAHA
erms huey
the 250
is buy 4d de
LOL
*huey ² says:
HAHAHA
not mj?!
HAHAHAHA
J - i did not die from the excitement. LOLS says:
HAHA
yeah
mj win 250 with 10cent, 20 cent impossiblle luh

2009-03-26T23:53:00.005+08:00

Your words just
Fly me to the moon
Let me sing among those stars

I almost turned Les today. There was a pretty girl that made me talk i-n-v-o-l-u-n-t-a-r-y to her! There was a teeny weeny moment i hope i was a guy. HAHAHA. crap.
Blame it on the raging testosterone that over-secreted. She must have thought i was crazy.

How Fun, THE curse came through. i called Thailand.
" $#(*&^%$, KARP"

i have to pretend i understood but in fact i could only pick out one or two NOUNS out of the whole sentence through the operator. YS TEACH ME!!
They are really slow in understanding which explains why i took 15min per call but they are not even my intended contact. i spoke to various types of receptionists regardless of F or M, young or old. All but the IT Managers or CIO. if u can see my expression when i call, you can make a Funniest movie out of it. ok im joking.
All i can say is im glad today's work has ended but tomorrow's has yet to come. RAH, im dropping hair alr.

i learnt that FAITH is important. i believe good things are worth looking forward to :D i heart-

2009-03-24T23:50:00.002+08:00

Moving on.
Its been smooth-sailing at work. In fact its great! i had an abundant of fun and truckloads of sense of achievement. My conversion rate was 7.7% which hit pass the target of 3.5%.
i had 3 leads today. Grins.

For those that offended me, i shall forget about them. Live life easier this way :)

2009-03-21T23:49:00.003+08:00

The joker has a flip side to him. To those that don't know him well he is merely someone that is always cheerful and pleases everyone. However he wears disguises to protect himself from being hurt. A very sad truth like that in Batman.

i wish i've known but i still want to retain that bit of ignorance cause i fear.

2009-03-18T22:09:00.002+08:00

Admission applications are such a headache. i cant believe im so stressed over it that i woke up thinking about it and even dreamt abt it the next day, consecutively. To such an extent that ive decided to deal with it once and for all to end my misery. im more or less done with them except to wait for the appraisals to come in which i hope will really, really help.

i had such a hectic weekend from visiting so many open houses. ive been too immersed in these that i havent got time to get out of the house! im lacking sleep, help! for a change, yea. my colleagues have been teasing me about playing MJ and drinking beer( rmb the time we mixed Asahi and sprite to get this COIN smell) . why? i can conceal well huh. Anw i didnt believe MJ can be addictive till ive experienced it myself. its absurb that my family plays so frequently and ive never touched my own family tiles till Sunday.
meantime, i better worry about passing FTT before its too late. ha.

2009-03-15T00:35:00.003+08:00

How can some people be still so nonchalent while im deeply concern yet feel fustrated that what i originally thought was possible just came crashing down.
maybe what ive been sitting on all these while are hopes and more hopes. but doesnt hopes lead to dream and then passion followed by churning them into reality called GOALS?

WTF man. with my current grades how can i still enter NTU business. Blame it on being inspired by some people, subsequently seeing light and feeling strongly to do what i want.
Nevertheless, im going to do it coz im going to follow the heart this time round.
It will either be a turning point or diving into grave.
This is another form of courage driven by the fear of regret. ha.

did i make any sense to you? but i know what im talking about.

2009-03-06T23:55:00.001+08:00

i forgot to add this.
everyone has their piece of shit to deal with but it all depends on ur perspective. dont stop here, start by making changes to amend those wrong. im sure we can do it, 38s rmb we have each other to fall on :)
im really touched and grateful for those who texted me words of encouragement and esp. those ppl i treasure the most that showed concern for me the min. my results are out. Like really, seconds i flipped over the slip i received the smses. And calls too. It doesnt matter how my birthday turned out, it matters how much i meant to you all.

i had a real surprise of my life today. i love you all for crafting out such plans and waking up so so early. haha. really appreciate for what you all have done. im sure u all wont forget my classic moments, just dont go around telling can alr. ha.

2009-03-06T22:03:00.002+08:00

there is a voice within me..
im going to trust myself once again to overcome all odds. im going to show how my character and ability determine me that is worth much more than a piece of shit paper. im going to persuade and prove that i can manage more than what im limited to.
This is how im going to FIGHT for what i want and deserve. Wallowing in self pity is simply loser-ish. so im going to transform my strength into actions, making the wisest choice within my means.
im going to survive through all these. i hope.
ppl give me strength, i will pull through.

2009-03-05T19:42:00.004+08:00

im back on track at work! ytd was record breaking. i had 3 leads while today i had one. i cant stop grinning. This must be my birthday luck :) Shirley touched me today, i feel so fortunate. haha.
anw i realise im attracted to ppl in terms of two extremes, either similar to me character wise or they have smth i admire. Do you know you are likely to help someone that looks similar as you, subconsciously? Observe carefully the ppl ard you next time.

TMR IS THE DAY. I CANT BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING.

As much as i love it, it can be a heartache sometimes. im sure everyone agrees. why, why is it that no matter how hard i try it doesnt work? im getting disheartened and tired of this struggle. i just hope fairy god mother will only erase the unhappy memories and leave the good ones with me.

2009-03-03T20:18:00.004+08:00

i had a really weird dream today. i dont think im gg to let anyone know abt it. But i kinda like the dream. HAHA.

make my wishes come true:
1. kbox
2. wii
3. taking artistic photos at Old Changi Rd
4. Really good Royce Choc
5. To catchup with all those i havent seen for some time
6. Just sitting by the waters and stare in silence, maybe a quiet conversation
7. go crazy with someone at Singapore Arts/ Fashion Festival
8. something that is not within my control

for now

2009-03-02T19:30:00.004+08:00

being generous is good, not when it becomes TOO MUCH.

My weekend has been a bittersweet one. I feel really, really fortunate to have what i have now.(if you can be there, i will be on cloud NINE) i understood how Mummy loves me. i enjoyed the company of my cousins. i felt like im the happiest girl and wished time would just stop there. But at the darkest side of me, i know what it means. All these don't come easy because i know i have to make. some. sacrifices. next weekend. No matter how much i want to deny the fact, i cant. This is how much confidence i have. Its the truth. im not like some typical people that tries to paint a very pathetic picture of themselves when they know they are doing well. This time round, throughout my 13 years of schooling, i feel really lousy deep down. Never have i been like that before. i've never dream about results because im never this worried before, but i dreamt of it few days ago. im really uneasy and of all feelings, frightened of the outcome. It feels as if i accidentally slipped and fall into a deep well where there are no hinges or gaps at the side of the inner walls. There's nothing to grab onto so im desperately scratching and clinging onto the sides with my nails as tightly as i could, so that i dont drown. i can feel the pain and im trying very hard to minimise the pain by enjoying my everyday till 6 march, being the most unfortunate day of the year. ( WHY OF ALL DAYS, CANT I HAVE MY PEACE)
" Dont worry, you can surely make it."
"You are smart, Huey."

i do appreciate all these kind words but they made me fear most. When there's more hope and expectation, comes greater the downfall.

What im doing now is called cushioning the fall technique:

I had an abundle of fun at work today coz the interns came and the atmosphere got livelier. Its funny to see how they learn, mirroring how i was like a month ago. They were a lucky bunch coz they've got lunch treat and each other's company while my first day was so alone. i came independently and faced everything myself. i enjoyed being cracked up by silly Annalyn, Amy's occasion craziness, Maxim's concern and most of all Vendana. She's my knocking-off-at-6pm-sharp partner and going-home-together company. Very much like an elder sister to me and taken care of. She told me how fortunate the interns are unlike my first day where i've got to buy food myself. Then she added, but now you've got all of us and me to go home with you. That touches my heart. AWW.
The best thing is, Claudia, our German girl shared the same birthday as me! omg we exclaimed excitedly when we realised it today! haha so much fun :D She went like " Everybody.." getting everyone's attention. They intended to celebrate after work on Friday i guess but i had to take leave that day for the worst reason. im so gonna miss out all the fun :( i still dont have fixed plans yet on Friday coz no one has told me anything. That reminded me how Jermaine, Fiona and Theresa who stayed by my side 3 years ago after results day..

No matter what, i'll be strong. i promise.

2009-02-26T13:47:00.003+08:00

im getting listless at work.
im chomping on sunflower seeds and sour plum like a hamster.

i think this is probably one of my very rare mood swinggss. ew.
ps: ONE more day to payday! YES YES YES. big wide grins :D

exactly.

2009-02-23T01:14:00.004+08:00

life isnt a bed of roses, i know that. i feel for you and my heart tears. Cheer up coz i will be there for you and i love you!

accomplishment:
1. i set my mind to organise it and i did it effectively.
2. i've mastered the basics of mj. (dont laugh!)
3. i've started my first driving lesson which was a blast.

pretty satisfied. joy dont come knocking at your door, you've got to work for it.

"i wanna play that!"
"i dont want to, i'll just watch you"
"ok"
"eh that one's easy, i'll help you"

haha so cute.

2009-02-21T00:56:00.002+08:00

whats future? whats priority?

whats the fear?

im so grateful for what i have now and i will cherish them. im glad Mum has made plans for me. Really really wanna thank her and Dad too. Savings are very important and i will stop wasting my parents money unnecessarily.

i love my job coz its worth my time and energy (although it may be boring at times). My colleagues are such nice ppl, they told me they will be there for me after they saw me in a serious conversation over smth. AWWW.. yes i can feel their warmth and sincerity. im so fortunate! haha :) i know joy don't last a lifetime, enjoy it to the fullest while i can now..

you know there is a miracle in the world that is so incredulous. There are people that will always stand by you and provide you with the Love and Support no matter what. And they are not your family, you all are not related in any biological way yet they give unconditionally.. and they are your friends! It didnt really occur to me until i read this from somewhere. Friends, when im there for you it means you are worth my time and effort :D

2009-02-19T19:45:00.003+08:00

i heard something really bad yesterday.
Although i hate to admit this, my greatest fear may fall on my supposedly happiest day. now that really makes me depress. i hope time stops, but then again its impossible. i just hope i will have lesser nightmares.

On a happier note, i love you guys! you all are the ones that made me laugh

2009-02-16T21:36:00.005+08:00

the lack of posts is probably due to the fatigue that i have been suffering for the past few days. work occupied most of my time and after-work activities have been getting me active round and about. well, eventually weariness comes due to lack of rest.
i have been actively working out eg. gyming and swimming. Thats one thing to be satisfied about :) This has become a habit... all thanks to Touch that has instilled my discipline to workout time to time coz it just feels not right when im not exercising! All this is crucial esp. when you are about to hit 20 and the Cellulite alarm bell ring in your head. HAHA!
Another satisfaction is derived from the fact that i procrastinate no more! i sacrificed 2+ hours to queue at the driving centre and got all my driving admin done within a day :) and im starting driving next week, woots!
i had my 簡單愛 on 14 Feb. ive learnt the fact that it doesnt require much to get the joy that u want, just the simple company for one full day is enough.(its been a long time..) Many women have been expecting too much just because its Valentine's day and when it falls below their expectations they get disappointed and moody. What for man? Its all the little gestures, thoughts and effort that count on a daily basis. It builds up what is more than sufficient than being exceptionally fanciful on a single day. You see couples dressing up like they are celebrating cny, and those bouquet are like Mandarin oranges. haha! im not saying you take this day lightly but rather look at it at a deeper level than just the superficial coz it will sustain longer. i had the most unique and unexpected gift *beams (but im not telling!) im having a love-hate r/s with NS. boo.

this is my swimming partner. and JX you are NOT FAT!

My lil cousin who never fails to brighten up my day with her bubbly personality. She's sooo cute, i wanna steal her home! haha.

i relieved my childhood memories while doing this with my cousin

Do we look alike? i think at some angles we do.

2009-02-08T02:40:00.003+08:00

im sentimental.
i wanna visit my Pri. sch, my pre-sch teacher whom i still keep contact with, catch up with OLD friends and walk on the quiet alleys, somewhere where there isnt many people.

Its a long and relaxing night, one that is without the worry of the exams and results and any other problems. I embrace this freedom alot. Opportunity like this come rare. Somehow i imagine whether we'll do the same ten years down the road. Maybe we are married with kids, how cool is that to still chill out together. Time is an abstract mystery that no one can predict.

a soulmate is one who truly understands me. Go deep.

2009-02-03T22:58:00.003+08:00

How interesting can work get when all you do day in and out is calls upon calls. i kinda broke my record by setting a total of 133 calls today. ytd was a tedious task when i was to make calls to India with Kripaji. As you can tell by the name, he's Indian but IM NOT. how fun was it to make every receptionist spell out every single alphabet of their loooonnng name. Listening them speaking gibberish makes me wanna laugh and cry at the same time. The calling's not tough but the understanding is.
And i kinda experience a little of the generation gap there although they're nice ppl. i do appreciate their efforts to make me laugh although its a challenging task. Their topic of the day is always changing coz they have different targets. However, the subject matter of the topics is always the SAME. HAHAHA, if you know what im talking abt, yea.
So far work has been good and Shirley just promoted me to her 'Honours' list today. But im looking forward to more fun after work with my dates. i secretly think its such a fortunate thing to have good friends. Random dates are fabulous :D

and come back soon!

2009-01-28T02:59:00.004+08:00

all i want to say is from 2009 onwards im going to treasure my family and extended family(and of course my very good friends too). I didnt know they can be such an abundle of joy thats so close proximity to me. You can be living with them but sometimes things get caught up with ur life so quickly that you forget. i've learnt too. They should be the most reliable ppl that i can trust as they will, with no consequences or burden be there for me. With this mindset i attempted and set a goal to it. Indeed, ive achieved what i intended it to be but just a bit lacking which is of no loss coz its a great start. It will be this way and i know it can be better. It is easy as long as i keep an open mind and be very sincere about it coz i believe they can feel my good intentions and warm gestures. yes, ive realised the importance of these from a very important person :D

2009-01-25T02:11:00.002+08:00

Taiwan
Desaru
Interviews (succeeded!)
work, work, work.

So whats new?
Strangely, i feel that alot of things have happened. But its not strange to me coz im aware why. Its been tiring me out for the fact that there isnt a right or wrong, there isnt a yes or no to it.

2009-01-25T01:48:00.004+08:00

thunderstorm came and so did rain.
sometimes i just cant figure out why dark clouds happen.
perhaps its just a process the way things are.
but most importantly i knew who's there. As long as they are around, it can keep me going and thats enough. Those phone calls, messsages and meet ups are really really precious. i want to remind myself of them.

i wish there's only white and black but no grey. life would have been so much simpler.

2008-12-18T12:37:00.002+08:00

Ras was the center of attraction. Dinner + gossips + cam whores.
it would certainly be good if everyone's on FB coz i missed out some. but they can always hop onto the next train for the next outing which will be the next batch of ppl. Ras outing I and II.

2008-12-17T13:43:00.006+08:00

Class chalet this time round has lesser attendance but with addition of new members! it matters alot with the kind of company you have to have fun. unfortunately the 38s didnt leave with much, with Yeeling and JX leaving on the first day, then sleeping with Jocelyn till the nxt day, Chuyi decides she cant come and HL is flying to Japan. Sentosa is supposed to be breathtaking but the is construction is spoiling the air, not to speak of the portable toilets. the best part would be to sweat it out with games and a more spontaneous company would be even better.

HAHA. this is damn funny. we got high on a late afternoon while playing heart attack and Taboo. all thanks to Tedson, the handicap's SNORTS. and i will never forget Jasmin's Manual mode. lol.(inside joke)apparently i was dead tired and slept like a pig till the next morning, ignoring someone's consistent and rhythmical snores.. it was a good sleep and i needed that.

2008-12-13T19:22:00.004+08:00

they say running cures, but it didnt. or maybe i didnt run long enough.

its like an addiction that never goes away no matter what you do to distract urself. it can either make you on cloud nine or bring you to the bottom. i feel empty. someone pls fill me in with happy thoughts. perhaps a warm big bear hug will do just as fine.

2008-12-12T23:26:00.000+08:00

why dont u try to tell me what's on ur mind?
that can be on our minds,
and our minds can worry about what's on your mind, together.

awws. well that's GG for now.

anw im thrilled! LOBANGS are on their way to meet me! maybe my income will come soon for me to kill those upcoming sales and to spend on presents for the festive seasons :)
im indeed surprised that my purchases fit me satisfactory without trying for the first time. heh. which makes it one of my cheap thrills on the list.

its still not too late to realise i can be quite a good listener.. i love calls! Long, long ones received from close friends and girlfriends these days and chatting with cousin's great. It feels more genuine that way without the barrier of the cyber that often deprives us of the human touch. Through the tone, u interpret their emotions/state of mind and i can imagine their faces when we talk. It makes a whole lot of difference when things are bothering u and a call can help u relieve the worries that have been stuck in you for days. Although i dont usually have a habit of giving calls.. i should try this more often. Spiritual fulfullment once in a while with HTH talks can be fun too! hee. i welcome calls too :D

i have a natural ability to stone and high tendency to fall into the trance state. HA. it takes interesting topics to bring me back so i can be quite a mood swinger. one minute high and another low. lol, i cant help it. (thats not square) lets hope i get high on Mambo night.

side track: Keli, GET WELL SOON. think of us and forget the pain. life is fragile, cherish ur loved ones.

this post is so random. see my scattered state of mind.

2008-12-09T21:13:00.002+08:00

for the fun of it, i did this from kiku's.

Your rainbow is intensely shaded blue, green, and red.

What is says about you: You are an intelligent person. You appreciate energetic people. You get bored easily and want friends who will keep up with you. You share hobbies with friends and like trying to fit into their routines.

Find the colors of your rainbow at spacefem.com.

fine. i tried to bake a really nice birthday cake for dearest mummy. but how, the CHEESE cake became CREAM cake. although she didnt grumble, i know it myself, it sucks! its like savouring sour cream in ur mouth with biscuit crumbs. ewww. i better brush up my skills coz im still not detered. baking is FUN! ( when u get it right) but nevertheless u shld try my muffins and perhaps cookies, they're not bad :)

job hunting got me feeling adventurous at the prospect of able to do what i want which is of high chance of what i like. walking into the coporate world makes me feel minute yet im eager to own it. money, MONEY! geez

will you untie the mystery of my recent insomia which has never happen before?

2008-12-09T01:53:00.003+08:00

1. Who's the person that tagged you?
Avon koh :D

2. Relationship between you and him/her?
something special, secret that is between us.

3. Three impressions of him/her?
determined, cute, funny

4. If he/she becomes your enemy, you will?
(he will die for sure)haha. just joking! heh but i don't think it'll happen.

5. What will you say to the person you like very much?
;O

6. Characteristics I like about myself?
gd listener, helpful, high tolerance

7. Characteristic I hate about myself?
The sometimes-squareness. spongy. jump to conclusions

8. For the person whom you hate, you say?
Get out of my life. shoo.

9. What do people feel about you?
No idea! u all can share w me some time.

10. Your crush?
(heh!) you all know anyway lol.

11. Pass this to 10 people.
ichi). xinyi, since ur almost done w projects!
ni). JX
san). Jaz
shi). yanyi, update!!
go). xt
roku). vanessa
shichi). keli
hachi). j lok
kyu). jasmin
ju). pau?

12. If 5 & 7 were together?
gosh. never.

13. Who does 5 like?
IVAN la. who else.

14. What colour does 9 like?
dunno!

15. Say something about 8.
she likes chuck! haha. has unique features. pro, can tolerant yeeling. haha!

16. Who is 2?
buddybuddy :)

17. Talk about 3.
loves to sleep and game. never early. our hotbabe/bimbo although she doesnt like it :P. and burner( long time didnt use this word)

18. Who is 10's best friend?
sinhui? not sure.

19. Who's the sexiest among all 10?
hahaha HAN YANYI!

20. What colour does 4 like?
No idea!! Black? red?

21. Is 4 single?
attached to army boy

22. Your relationship with 1?
cousinnsss

23. Are 5 & 6 best friends?
no, strangers.

24. 9's surname?
ah lim la.

25. 7's nickname?
fishball?.. KERR

26. Say something to 8.
dont fret over prom anymore! go indulge in GG. and our date on wed :)

27. Say something to help 9.
help? to hang out with FB friends? lol.

28. Who does 1 admire?
u dont have to know la. i know can alr.

29. Where does 1 live?
pasir ris

30. 10 of them know who you like?
most i think..

31. Say something to 6 when you see him/her.
dont forget our wedding! and congrats to us and moka. LOL.

finally! i can stop referring to the list of names..

32. 10's spouse?

2008-12-06T18:23:00.002+08:00

Was tagged by Mr A.K, so here goes:

RULE #1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

RULE #2 Tag 5 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. No tagging back. Continue this game by sending it to other people.

1. Do you have secrets?
DUH.

2. Would you fall in love with a boy/girl younger than you?
probably, age doesnt matter. heart does.

3. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
Depends on how deep the love is. it will exist till as long as i can feel it/ it hurts too much to love.

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
Use it to save ppl in need, lavish on my loved ones so that they can live comfortably, satisfy my wants. but ultimately money dont buy happiness.

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
i dont think best friend exists. maybe good friends. but no.

6. Which, do you think, is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
Loving someone that loves you back as well. it takes both hands to clap.

7. Give one reason why you love your significant other.
Because he is special, like no other.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
i will be depressed. maybe pray. LOL.

9. What is the first thing you want to do when you're legal?
its nothing fascinating. you just get to watch more movies, club, drive and drink?

10.What would you do if your significant other cheats on you?
i'll reason and ask why. then emo. but i wont know how the anger will control me.

11. How would you see yourself in 10 years time?
in my dreams

12. Who are currently the most important people to you?
My family, him.

13. How many times your heart has been broken?
Several times.

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
married, not necessarily rich but definitely not poor. just content and happy.

15. What are your favourite colours?
happy colours.

16. If you're attached but you feel as if you like someone else, what would you do?
stay faithful, go with my heart.

17. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing the someone has done?
Forgive but if its really horrible its hard to forget right?

18. What do you want to tell the someone you like?
secret.

19. If there is a choice between lover and friends, which will you choose?
lover. but friends are still important

20. What do you think about the person who tagged you?
hmm.. ask me if u wanna know (:

taggies: JX, theresa and anyone who wants to do. cant think of who.

2008-12-06T17:50:00.002+08:00

finally. finally im freed from the boredom of no-com days. its torturous and im sorry for complaining so much to those around me. haha.
ive been miserable these days, for some reason im not too sure of myself. maybe not miserable but a mixture of depressed and listless mood. it sucks and i dislike it.(im leading a no hype life now)
facing the 4 walls in my room became unbearable so i escaped to cousin's house. although we didnt do much, just normal talking and stuff but it was fun. just like how we are when we were young. there's too much time now and its scary. there's too much time for you to think and reflect. i wonder and wonder into wonderland. lol.

at times its so high but suddenly there's no news. its as if u disappear in my life. that frightens me.

2008-11-27T02:24:00.005+08:00

its been 13days ever since i left sch yet it seemed as if it has been such a long time. Fun times always overpower the torturous experience. this time i can say they last, at least for now. its strange how different company brings you different experiences, emotions, etc..

things are just like how they are, quality time becomes more distinct and significant. Friendships do get more deeply rooted with numbers, yes years. (time matters) relationships that are worth cherishing usually last a long time. images of a single outing after gazillion mths stay deeply etched in my mind. they dont fade as easily, as i understood what is important. i believe in those mutual understanding. Just minimal words and facial expression are sufficient, by looking into the eyes, there is emotional connection. everything just flows. (maybe a lil too much, but it feels that way)

"you just need to trust yourself.. "

next, planning for the MEGA BIG plt outing!

Sometimes there's so much we have to do and we forget to stop and observe what's beautiful. you can find inner peace by getting in touch with nature. haha yes, Mrs Teo's right- the healing elixir. crashing 'waves', glimmering sea, warm breeze.. romanticizing the landscape.

we stole sneak shots of the couple. the whole picture just fits those in MV, so pretty.

There's yet another thriller. such an adventure today that kept me gushing 'so COOL, so cool..' a seemingly ordinary shopping trip turned out to be an exploration of secret hide-outs! doors after doors we sneaked in, surprises after surprises we received. i felted as if u were Sherlock Homes and im Nancy Drew. HAHA! tip-toed at evey single step, we intruded in then acted as if we owned the place. you peered out of the door then gestured its safe to escape. hahaha.. the best thing is, hardly anyone goes there, its being discovered by us!

being POLITICALLY correct. LOL.

my imagination of THE SATIS. where Estella lives.

The monthly memory.

even more spectacular from the naked eye

OOGWAY. funny?

2008-11-23T23:20:00.003+08:00

1 2 3 4
theres only one way two say those three words

ohyea.jollity~
shall not elaborate too much, else someone will hao lian.

tell you, i absolutely love surprises! came home and it was so :DDD coz my sis bought me a fantabulous present. i literally cried out, 'omg so nice!'

i admit im messy.

laugh all you want, but now its all cleaned up. *grins

2008-11-17T23:55:00.004+08:00

"hmm.. wads in there.."
(wad art thou peeping at?!)

after all the rain and shine, finally this spells

F-R-E-E-D-O-M!
life can never be better than this :)

(dont ever try COFFIN. it sucks.)

2008-11-15T20:29:00.009+08:00

some outdated events that happened before A's..

big thanks to my gf here, yea she made me really really high that day. im so honoured:D

checkout the wonders of the camera. its done at very fast speed.i was rooting for Hamilton btw.

finally, the long awaited farewell.

we look like a family potrait here:

managed to catch some breathing space to catch up w plt mates.

if u can spot me, go ahead. (u probably cant.HEH)

there's a reason why i didnt post the proper photo instead. this is the REAL us.

NZ tagged along too (:

the cosy corner where we acted like our home, celebrating YL's bday. we sang THRICE just to record it properly into the bear.

mighty moka

look carefully. the man's nose has been chipped off. the other's smile is just weird.

cutie pie

this is exclusive. u'll nvr see this side of chuyi.

2008-11-14T23:50:00.001+08:00

finally, the long awaited day! seriously no one wld understand how i feel except for
Jaz, theresa, keli, winnie, Clive, Yuda
i think we guys rock man, we tide through this all in one piece. u know u'all are my comfort and constant support during this whole time (of course there are many others), esp before the start. After talking to some of you i kinda felt braver. THANKS, even though some of you may not read this :) and im really grateful to those touching msgs of encouragement, esp during the last wk before A's. that helps. and i do miss the kopitiam ppl coz i know we kinda drifted apart after yr 2 (or you may say 3) due to many reasons esp the timetabling! good luck to the guys that are gg NS and girls lets meet up!
after exams, im overwhelmed with boredom. this is how education has turned us into. study occupies most part of my life. i shall get cracking and spend my time fruitfully w doing what i like now.

top on my list:
1. salvation army, last catch to art biennale
2. temple
3. camp over at JX's
4. wait for dress to arrive
5. cut hair
6. flea markets
7. workout
8. pack room
9. CLT
10. post prom
11. class chalet
12. SAVE AND EARN MOOLAHS

2008-11-11T21:21:00.002+08:00

Damn it. shit. help. what can i say more for econs paper?

some said its easier to fail. not to say abt scoring. how can this be? i prefer to live in denial. i cant wait for this all nightmare to end. i dont know why we are putting ourselves through all these torture. why is it so tough just to live happily which is ultimately what we are chasing for? i hate this.

2008-11-09T12:30:00.001+08:00

NZ tagged me this( for the first time im doing tags)

The rules and regulations:
1. Each player of this game starts off with 10 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself.
2. People tagged are required to post their own 10 weird things/habits/little known facts as well as state this rule clearly.
3. At the end, tag 10 other people!
4. No tag back !

1. i like to bathe the min i wake up
2. i used to be gym crazy/ obsess abt exercising ( maybe i will resume my routine soon. haha)
3. recently i really wanna dance and i secretly move to the groove of music in the lib!
4. i was stalked by a weird guy(i prefer to say pervert) for 1yr
5. i had a crush on my pri sch teacher! he even wanted me to be his godsister
6. i was dozing off at tuition one day, my head moved pretty obviously that a girl beside me offered me chocs!
7. i like to cut fizzy hair. cant stand it when its not smooth
8. my stomach croaked whenever im hungry even though i tried hard to control :(
9. i like surprises. pleasant ones make my day
10. i think im quite gd at keeping secrets, so anything can count on me.hehe.

JX, jlok, Jaz, jerilyn(i have lots of J frens. haha!), theresa, keli, paula, kiku, chiang and anyone that has funny things to share :D

2008-10-31T01:34:00.002+08:00

huey likes to do stupid things. She believed in telepathies. but maybe not anymore now.

she took a bet and lost.

2008-10-29T01:28:00.001+08:00

ive never doubted you. i dont know why that came out but i know nothing has changed anything.

2008-10-24T22:40:00.003+08:00

when stress kicks in, i can be anything. how can anyone control ur emotions when there's only 9 days to A's?
i was being terribly mean just now. i shouldnt hav done that, i regret it. i was out studying late and Dad called out of concern to ask me whether i'll be home. For some reason that really irritated me. I took a deep breath to contain myself but in that spur moment, i just blurted it out. I told him that there wasnt a need for him to keep calling to check on me. He gave me a short reply and hung up. I could sense the disappointing tone that speaks, 'i called out of concern yet this is what i get.' i felt really bad plus it makes things worse when i couldnt concentrated to get in my Econs facts into my brain. and some inconsiderate person was blasting their noise to annoy me even further. Its really noise, not even music. It sounded like some opra chant that i couldnt help but suspect what if im the only one that heard that, like its meant just for me. brrrr...

i felt so sorry and decided to head home. His room was dark and Dad's already asleep. i bet he is upset about it and he chose to use sleep to forget everything. i couldnt see his expression, to tell whether he is mad at me. He offered me his warmth yet i pushed it away...
ive always taken things for granted, my parents' love. Parents always embrace their children and forgive them for all their mistakes whether they were hurt them or otherwise. we dont see that. they give unconditionally and we just take them. they dont ask for anything, just when they're lonely, talk to them. Love them with all that you should be and could be. That i think would be their greatest joy and contentment. and of course which parent isnt proud of their child when they bring home their achievement that shows their capabilities. my shoulders lie a burden- the need to do well.

i think all this time ive been looking out for my own welfare. my needs for money to play and enjoy. of course they wont reject me, in fact whenever mum gives me more allowance, i felt guilty. she would want me to enjoy myself to the fullest and have a subsistent meal but i know i shldnt use too much of her money now. i need to plan my own finances and she has to plan her retirement too. okk this sounds so old.

and im so sorry to pangseh JX so many times to reject studying with her. i know its tiring to keep asking someone the same qn when u expect that the ans will most likely be the same and its not what u wish for. the reality is that i must have no distractions and focus on my own. so i have to compromise with accompanying her. but dont worry i will make it up. we can go crazy shoppings and outings after A's. we will get the time of our lives and treat ourselves like king! i cant wait for that but for now time is really tight and i must give it my best shot.

2008-09-25T14:18:00.003+08:00

why cant things be just perfect and satisfying all at the same time? like when ur language is improving, ur content just dipped. suddenly everything came so clearly to me. someone told me just get an E for prelims and ur A's will be a B, i looked to my left and right and back to mine which is oh-so-atrocious. i see desperation.

i was touched by the 'auntie' that gave me the banana milkshake. whoever u are, or is it the both of you, i really do appreciate that.
'auntie gave you this to tell you not to be sad'
at that moment i felt like tearing. but i dont. at least not that easily. i never want to show that in public coz i dont like others to be affected, like how i dont like to be affected by others too.

for now FOCUS.